I got a text message before from Whisky. I'm in Montmartre he said, where are you?
Last night I went to dinner at the Cheeses to celebrate Cheeseboy's 45th birthday. It was the customary crowd treated to an evening of good food and home-made karaoke. On one of the walls was a collage of photo's celebrating Cheeseboy's life. As expected I was in a good number of them. There was another though showing the Cheeses smiling happily with mum and Fred. It was a good photo, but not one I recognised. I asked Cheeseboy and he told me it had taken in Tuscany about 8 years ago when they were both in Europe at the same time while I remained in my apartment in SY. They had hooked up for a great day of drinking at the Tuscan villa mum and Fred were staying at. I knew the story because I'd heard it many times before, and because I got a call from them on that occasion rousing me from my sleep at about 2am.
I won't go into the things I thought last night. I was glad to see the photo even if there was some sadness there too. Cheeseboy is a sensitive, caring man, a loving friend. I regret often that I'm not more vulnerable with him, but I find that hard to be: it's a burden to be so stoic. I value his affection though, though he may not know it am deeply touched by his concern because it is authentic and deeply felt. As everyone knows, he's a lovely person.
Last week was pretty ordinary for a number of reasons. Towards the end of it I was thinking I was needing my friends. Cheeseboy is there though I don't lean upon him as I might. Donna is good, but has her own issues. Whisky is far away. Of the others JV is a good friend but caught up now in his own life, and the others are either thereabouts or now gone altogether.
In a typical week I catch up with half a dozen people, some good friends, some second tier, some the women passing through my life. I am this self-contained unit no matter who I am meeting, generally affable, laid-back, in control. Beneath that calm exterior all sorts of things are happening.
It would be nice to let some of that occasionally, to engage with others to resolve at least some of the ongoing dilemmas I face. It happens sometimes, but not a lot. Failing all that I'd love to be in Montmartre too, or at least somewhere different just for a little.